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Try to honor your significant other
We as a society seem to relish in the bizarre ways that people can lie and cheat in their togetherness. My favorite is a program on the BBC that is an English version of the old series "Dallas". There is more backstabbing and unethical activity than could fill the Astro Dome, the Super Dome or Wembly Stadium. We tend to hide our sneers and secretly chuckle at the dumb guy or gal who had no idea that their significant other had a "significant other", other than the one with which he or she had made a commitment. What is it that fascinates us about this lack of willingness to be true to a vow or a promise? In the movie "Moonstruck", Olympia Dukakis plays the role of an Italian wife who has a cheating husband. Distraught and confused she keeps asking the men around her, "Why do men cheat?". The question is not answered to her satisfaction until one man blurts out, "I dunno...maybe it is because we fear death". The Italian matron points her finger and with righteous indignation declares that it is so. The scene is funny, but it is also very revealing about how we see ourselves. We fear something -- either rejection, hurt, our schedules being upset or death. We as a people live in fear. It was a sad moment last week when PRM reported that a recent poll of women said the majority of women would rather spend Valentine's Day with their pet than a mate. Apparently there is a feeling that a pet will give more of what you expect. How do we then reconcile the want and the need with the risk? I believe that the place to start is less with romance and more with mutual respect. Paul speaks to us from the past with a declaration of the role of men and women in relationships. When writing to the church at Colossae, Paul addresses his belief, as found in the wisdom literature of the Hebrew witness, that the whole universe had been the Lord's idea and work since "the beginning". For Paul this wisdom has now been revealed in the person of the Christ, Jesus of Nazareth. Paul cautions the Colossians to strive for a God-like, heavenly perspective of their existence. "Wives be subject to your husbands..."[ Colossians 3:18, NRSV] is countered and balanced by "Husbands, love your wives and never treat them harshly" [Colossians 3:19, NRSV]. The balance makes all of creation make sense. God, who creates in God's image both male and female, holds us to an equal share of the gift of the kingdom and of the responsibility of being stewards of our lives, our promises and our vows.
As the non-church festival of Valentine's Day rolls around this next week I encourage us all to find ways to truly honor that significant other in our lives. For those who are married, you might consider renewing your vows, audibly, to your spouse. For those who are otherwise committed, consider some deep way of recommitting to one another. Forget the candy, the Hallmark card and the dinner for two. Read Colossians and pray together. See for the first time or remember the words that we have in the Book of Common Prayer for a couple exchanging vows: "Give them grace, when they hurt each other, to recognize and acknowledge their fault, and to seek each other's forgiveness and yours. AMEN".
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